The subtle, skeptical humor of the father of intellectual comedy, Woody Allen, is legendary. They talk about him as much as about his films. He is also known as a writer, the author of numerous stories and plays.
Woody Allen is renowned for his knowledge of literature, cinema and music. He sometimes performs as a jazz clarinetist. A master of auteur cinema, Allen has earned public recognition for his witty comedies containing elements of absurdity and satire, as well as psychological dramas. We have selected his most juicy statements and aphorisms:
For you I am an atheist, but for God I am a constructive opposition.
Science has conquered many diseases, solved the genetic code and even allowed man to land on the moon, but when an eighteen-year-old guy stays in the same room with two eighteen-year-old barmaids, nothing happens. Because the real problems are the same from century to century.
Fasting is a big mistake. Especially on an empty stomach.
What if the world is an illusion and there is nothing? Then I definitely overpaid for the carpet.
She believes in God. But she also believes that the radio works because of tiny people inside the receiver.
The fact that we got divorced was also my fault: I tried to put my wife on a pedestal.
I’m old-fashioned. I believe that people should marry for life, like doves and Catholics.
My wife doesn’t want to grow up. I take a bath, and she sinks my boats.
We were wondering what to do: go to the Bahamas or get a divorce. But in the end they decided that the Bahamas was only a pleasure for two weeks, but a good divorce lasts a lifetime.
Women always pity us for wounds that they did not inflict.
I’m a practicing heterosexual myself, but being bisexual doubles your chances of hooking up on a Saturday night.
There is a big difference between love and sex: sex removes the feeling of awkwardness, love creates it.
Sex is the funniest thing I could do without laughing.
The reason I’m such a good lover is because I practice a lot on myself.
Sex is something like bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, it’s better to have a good hand.
Wealth is better than poverty – but only for financial reasons.
I believe in the all-seeing eye that watches over us from above. Unfortunately, this is the government.
In Los Angeles, trash is no longer thrown away. It’s being reworked into a TV show.
People are divided into good and bad. The good ones sleep better, but the bad ones seem to enjoy their sleepless hours more.
If people had more of a sense of humor, we would live in a completely different world.
You know, I can only really play two roles – I am a very limited actor. I can play either an intellectual or a scumbag.
When I started making films, it seemed to me that a lot of pleasant things awaited me: fame, money, flattery, delight… But after the first few films you realize that your life has remained the same. You understand that all your problems remain with you.
I almost never get invited to act in other people’s films. Strange! It seems that now that I’m older, people should talk like this: “Who is our oldest comedian? Walter Matthau is dead. So Woody Allen!
Incompetence has never stopped me from taking on anything with enthusiasm.
I love my profession, but if it were taken away from me, I would gladly do something else. I would work in the theater or sit at home and write. Or maybe he would just mess around, and also with pleasure. I would get up in the morning, take a walk, go to a museum or a movie, then return to my place, talk with my wife, watch baseball on TV. Not too bad, right?
The only way to be happy is to love suffering.
I don’t need immortality in my creations. I need such immortality so as not to die.
Happiness is the talent of appreciating what you have rather than what you don’t have.
The only thing I regret in life is that I was not born someone else.
Eternal Nothing is not a bad thing, you just need to have time to dress accordingly.
Love between a woman and a woman is my favorite option.
The desire for death is also a passion.
The last time I penetrated a woman was when I went on a tour of the Statue of Liberty.
Sex between a man and a woman is amazing, provided you find yourself between the right man and the right woman.
The brain is my second favorite organ.
You can live to be a hundred years old if you give up everything for which you want to live a hundred years.
If we lived forever, can you imagine how much our meat and vegetable bills would be?
I’m not afraid to die. I just don’t want to be there.
A person cannot objectively experience his own death and still continue to whistle.
This is a gorgeous gold watch on a chain. I’m proud of them. My grandfather sold them to me when he was on his deathbed.
The only difference between tragedy and comedy is that in comedy people find a way to cope with tragedy. Of course, humor may not be the answer to all of life’s problems, but it serves as something of a band-aid. This is certainly better than walking around broken all the time.
In life chance There are things worse than death. Have you ever spent an evening in the company of an insurance agent?
The most amazing thing about love at first sight is that it happens to people who have seen each other for years.
A bachelor lives like a king and dies like a dog; A married man lives like a dog, but dies like a king.
Anyone who has been happy in love has no idea about it.
I am considered an intellectual because I wear glasses and an artist because my films do not make money. Both are wrong.
I don’t know who they think I am. A strange specimen, perhaps.
In my opinion, there are no directors in modern cinema who work under my influence. Everywhere I see young people who are influenced by Francis Ford Coppola, very much by Scorsese and Oliver Stone. But I? No, I don’t know anyone like that.
If my film made at least one person more unhappy, then my work was not in vain.
I often dream about taking a whole year off. But I always begin to be tormented by remorse, because there are people around who want to give me money for the next film, and as a result I come to the conclusion that while they give, I must take it.